The chill is becoming increasingly unbearable. But every day as I sit at my table and watch the world goes by from my room - little birds hopping around for food, butterflies chasing one another, mothers pushing the trolleys with their baby inside, young men and women in love with each other, a bus goes and another comes - I feel safe and warm inside.
I find it amazing how little nooks and crannies of this place is becoming more and more a part of me - and the fact that it actually makes up only a fraction of my life doesn't matter. The memory of home, the places where I once grew up and bled love - are becoming more and more distant and far away. New faces come into my life, while old ones are becoming only a freckle of memory, like the last spot you see before the screen on television fades away.
Although I must say sometimes I feel a tinge of greed and agitation. The remembrance of those who had taken pieces of my heart, and never returned it inflames me. People who had caused pain to those who are dear to me enrages me. History which I cannot change infuriates me. The world, and its forever unsolvable riddle - frustrates me and makes me lose my faith.
This love, this pain, this contradiction of all things - makes me wish winter comes softly. Come now - envelope me with coldness, shiver my restless soul, throw some iciness on my anger, and freeze my impulsive desire. I want to be buried under endless snow - cold, quiet, and at peace.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Don't Think of An Elephant
1. I think there is a definitive boundary between talking about something interesting and talking about something to make your conversation interesting. Sex is not something new, we all know that. And it's not something extra-terrestrial either.
2. It revolted me when people talk about prostitution and homosexuality as if it's a freak of nature. There are women who had to go for sex without protection and risk themselves to be infected with HIV because that's the way they can feed their family, or because their husbands have been sleeping around. There are young girls who are being forced into prostitution to pay the debt of their family. There are queer people who face years of isolation because their own family cannot accept who they are regardless of they've become. No, prostitution and homosexuality do not make an intriguing topic for conversation.
3. Lastly, I find it sad when we got trapped into the pattern of thinking we so carefully avoid. It will not do to justify why men think of women only as sexually desired objects simply because they have one part desire and ninety nine parts brain while women have ninety nine parts desire and one part brain. Because trust me, I've found enough men who are half-baked that I'd never dream of exchanging my one part brain to their ninety nine parts. No thanks.
2. It revolted me when people talk about prostitution and homosexuality as if it's a freak of nature. There are women who had to go for sex without protection and risk themselves to be infected with HIV because that's the way they can feed their family, or because their husbands have been sleeping around. There are young girls who are being forced into prostitution to pay the debt of their family. There are queer people who face years of isolation because their own family cannot accept who they are regardless of they've become. No, prostitution and homosexuality do not make an intriguing topic for conversation.
3. Lastly, I find it sad when we got trapped into the pattern of thinking we so carefully avoid. It will not do to justify why men think of women only as sexually desired objects simply because they have one part desire and ninety nine parts brain while women have ninety nine parts desire and one part brain. Because trust me, I've found enough men who are half-baked that I'd never dream of exchanging my one part brain to their ninety nine parts. No thanks.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Many Sips of Cintapuccino
Seputar kopi hitam pekat, dilembutkan dengan percikan susu panas. Naskhah lama Persuasion, berkulit keras dan berlapuk kuning, dibacakan sepanjang perjalanan dalam keretapi hingga sakit belakang. Borak panjang, footsies, dan guitarra Espanola. Naik basikal di tepi pantai, a sleep under the stars.
Kalau saya boleh buat concoction sendiri untuk cerita romantik saya, inilah resipinya.
I am a hopeless romantic, saya akui itu. But being the most objective person in the world apparently contradicts these dreams. Bila kawan-kawan saya buat ujian tentang apa kriteria yang saya cari dalam lelaki idaman saya, intellect comes at the top.
Sebetulnya, saya percaya there is more to life than just a tale of sweet love and heartbreaks.
Macam kawan saya kata, cerita-cerita cinta agung itu hebat sebab ia menggoncang dunia.
Kalau saya boleh buat concoction sendiri untuk cerita romantik saya, inilah resipinya.
I am a hopeless romantic, saya akui itu. But being the most objective person in the world apparently contradicts these dreams. Bila kawan-kawan saya buat ujian tentang apa kriteria yang saya cari dalam lelaki idaman saya, intellect comes at the top.
Sebetulnya, saya percaya there is more to life than just a tale of sweet love and heartbreaks.
Macam kawan saya kata, cerita-cerita cinta agung itu hebat sebab ia menggoncang dunia.
Friday, April 17, 2009
The Making of a Workaholic
I've been entirely occupied with my short course in environmental law. Insightful teacher, and a humorous one too. I wish the course could go on forever. I noticed today how these days I think less about going home because I am actually enjoying class and work. Finally, I have a life.
It's good to go about doing stuffs through normal schedule for a change - attending class in the morning, finishing assignments at night - as opposed to the usual routine of doing work (rather unsuccessfully at it) in the morning and going to class in the evening.
Malaysia have a lot to answer for its accountability and transparency in fulfilling the common law, I believe. If only I could change things for the better. I could, but I believe it's going to take a hell of very long time.
Ah, no wonder people say patience is a virtue.
It's good to go about doing stuffs through normal schedule for a change - attending class in the morning, finishing assignments at night - as opposed to the usual routine of doing work (rather unsuccessfully at it) in the morning and going to class in the evening.
Malaysia have a lot to answer for its accountability and transparency in fulfilling the common law, I believe. If only I could change things for the better. I could, but I believe it's going to take a hell of very long time.
Ah, no wonder people say patience is a virtue.
Monday, April 13, 2009
One Million Dollar View
It turned out to be better than I expected. Being more of a jungle person, urban camping sounded rather dampening to the whole idea of being away from civilization.
I'd say not only it's a good introduction to the first-time campers, but also a relaxing alternative to the whole dig-your-own-poo or light-your-own-fire rituals. Cockatoo Island provides a definite first class amenities.
Not only you could easily use the coin-operated BBQs, some campers even come prepared with the lots of nasi briyani and simply heat them with the microwave oven provided. The shower facilities is as luxurious as it is impressive.
At night, the whole establishment gives you the edge of camping in a futuristic site, amidst the towering cranes and massive sculptures of shipping equipment. The view of Sydney skyline at night concludes the scrumptious treat. You may as well feel like you don't deserve such cheap vacation at such extravagant offerings.
The heritage site boasted as the former prison for early Australian convicts, a reform school for problematic boys and girls and finally an industrial site for during the World War II. The prison barracks and soldier fortress gives the place a swift of eerie feeling, as we listen to the decription of the workers on our audio tour. But mostly an elevated feeling stays with you as you go along the different parts of the island, because although the island original feature was entirely destroyed by the industrial activities at the early ages, being one with the island together with the river, the birds, the sky and the cackling children - you do somehow feel like you're a step closer to nature.
I'd say not only it's a good introduction to the first-time campers, but also a relaxing alternative to the whole dig-your-own-poo or light-your-own-fire rituals. Cockatoo Island provides a definite first class amenities.
Not only you could easily use the coin-operated BBQs, some campers even come prepared with the lots of nasi briyani and simply heat them with the microwave oven provided. The shower facilities is as luxurious as it is impressive.
At night, the whole establishment gives you the edge of camping in a futuristic site, amidst the towering cranes and massive sculptures of shipping equipment. The view of Sydney skyline at night concludes the scrumptious treat. You may as well feel like you don't deserve such cheap vacation at such extravagant offerings.
The heritage site boasted as the former prison for early Australian convicts, a reform school for problematic boys and girls and finally an industrial site for during the World War II. The prison barracks and soldier fortress gives the place a swift of eerie feeling, as we listen to the decription of the workers on our audio tour. But mostly an elevated feeling stays with you as you go along the different parts of the island, because although the island original feature was entirely destroyed by the industrial activities at the early ages, being one with the island together with the river, the birds, the sky and the cackling children - you do somehow feel like you're a step closer to nature.
Monday, April 6, 2009
We are strangers before thee, and sojourners
The board was full, pasted with all kinds of passionate activisms for the strong causes in the different parts of the world. I leaned my head on the wall behind me, don't you think it's tiring simply looking at the board? I wanted to ask him, but I decided not to. Whoever these days think about things like these, no one - and not they want to either. I shook my head, as if it could shake off the exhausting thoughts from my head. I smiled a bit, his bright t-shirt lifted up my spirit.
The truth is, life grows to be an increasingly frustrating place to be (not to say death is a better alternative either). For one, there are problems around the world everywhere which never seem to go away - prejudice, discrimination, utter greed. To add to it we are now facing the threat of world collapse, the resources sucked dry, the treasured ruined. And still, still - we go on in our life as if nothing has changed. We've got to to live, right?
I wish I have all the answers, I wish I can change everything. I wish time is on my side. I wish people would stop going about their daily lives for once and say, hey let's do something different today. I wish we could all dance simply to have a good time. I wish the world is not so complicated as people make it to be. I wish my ancestors hadn't hated each other so I can love and embrace more people today. I wish, I wish.
The truth is, life grows to be an increasingly frustrating place to be (not to say death is a better alternative either). For one, there are problems around the world everywhere which never seem to go away - prejudice, discrimination, utter greed. To add to it we are now facing the threat of world collapse, the resources sucked dry, the treasured ruined. And still, still - we go on in our life as if nothing has changed. We've got to to live, right?
I wish I have all the answers, I wish I can change everything. I wish time is on my side. I wish people would stop going about their daily lives for once and say, hey let's do something different today. I wish we could all dance simply to have a good time. I wish the world is not so complicated as people make it to be. I wish my ancestors hadn't hated each other so I can love and embrace more people today. I wish, I wish.
Saturday, April 4, 2009
Life Goes Full Circle
It takes a night to make it dawn, it takes a day to make you yawn, brother, it takes the one to have the other, it takes no time to fall in love, but it takes you years to know what the love is.
Lucu kan, macam manalah kalau tak kita katakan hidup ini memang benar-benar rohani. Ada satu masa itu seperti ada satu kuasa dalam diri; a trascendence, an epiphany, a presence of something higher than life itself - apa-apa sajalah yang buat kita bisikkan pada hati, God, I know you're with me now. Memang betul, tak banyak yang boleh saya katakan memandangkan one of my most spiritual moments involves an Irish and Czech musicians, and a room full of powerful voices and strong persona.
Tapi bukan begitukah hidup? It's full of contradictions. Hidup bukan soal jadual, bukan soal titik masa tetap dan lurus jalan. Very often life throws at us a bundle of mess and leaves us stranded on a poor-lit street.
Kadang-kadang hidup jadikan kita manusia penuh dengan kekerasan dan amarah perasaan, only to take us back in its embrace and remind us how beautiful love can be.
You know what I mean?
Lucu kan, macam manalah kalau tak kita katakan hidup ini memang benar-benar rohani. Ada satu masa itu seperti ada satu kuasa dalam diri; a trascendence, an epiphany, a presence of something higher than life itself - apa-apa sajalah yang buat kita bisikkan pada hati, God, I know you're with me now. Memang betul, tak banyak yang boleh saya katakan memandangkan one of my most spiritual moments involves an Irish and Czech musicians, and a room full of powerful voices and strong persona.
Tapi bukan begitukah hidup? It's full of contradictions. Hidup bukan soal jadual, bukan soal titik masa tetap dan lurus jalan. Very often life throws at us a bundle of mess and leaves us stranded on a poor-lit street.
Kadang-kadang hidup jadikan kita manusia penuh dengan kekerasan dan amarah perasaan, only to take us back in its embrace and remind us how beautiful love can be.
You know what I mean?
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
These Days of My Life
These days of my life involve a jumbles of listening to the thirteenth century classical guitar by Julian Bream (God bless the City of Sydney library!) and putting a thinking hat on my head for every complex class I'm attending, while squinting my eyes to listen carefully to the rough quiet voices of my old teacher - a move both irrational (why I have to squint my eyes to listen better I don't know) and unattractive.
These days of my life witness me devising new conversation topics for my new friends (apparently how're you doing-good, yourself-great, thank you is no longer enough these days when you know you'll be meeting each other every day in the same class) and faithfully reading my textbook every night before bedtime while secretly wishing I could hold Wuthering Heights in my hand instead. So far it's been left to rot beside me on the bedside table. I feel guilty, but as most forbidden love are, I also feel justified abandoning it.
These days of my life, the sky's heart pours itself out every morning, making me yearns for the sun-kissed glow of the road, the leaves, the flowers, and the smiles of cheerful strangers. These days of my life, the blessings are countless, the opportunities are boundless, and good hearts are almost everywhere I lay my eyes on.
These days of my life witness me devising new conversation topics for my new friends (apparently how're you doing-good, yourself-great, thank you is no longer enough these days when you know you'll be meeting each other every day in the same class) and faithfully reading my textbook every night before bedtime while secretly wishing I could hold Wuthering Heights in my hand instead. So far it's been left to rot beside me on the bedside table. I feel guilty, but as most forbidden love are, I also feel justified abandoning it.
These days of my life, the sky's heart pours itself out every morning, making me yearns for the sun-kissed glow of the road, the leaves, the flowers, and the smiles of cheerful strangers. These days of my life, the blessings are countless, the opportunities are boundless, and good hearts are almost everywhere I lay my eyes on.
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