Taking a deep breath, and looking deep within myself to find out (again, and again) what’s truly important.
Going for a 3km run between intervals of my hectic life. It’s short enough to fit in my erratic schedule, it’s intensive enough to give me the good, satisfying sweat.
Talking to my mother about our daily happenings; my nieces’ antics, my cat and her kittens well-being, the upcoming wedding and what we want to do about it.
Eating wholesome meal, with a lot of veggies on the side.
Crossing my to-do lists one by one.
Listening to peaceful songs of Kings of Convenience, Feist, or (if my mood permits) Pink Floyd.
Finally, curling up in my bed with the book I’ve read so often there are countless cracks on its spine. It’s so comfortable to hold it feels like sitting down with your best friend.
What do you do to achieve balance in your life?
Showing posts with label What I Didn't Learn in Business School. Show all posts
Showing posts with label What I Didn't Learn in Business School. Show all posts
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Indeterminate changes
A lot of things did not happened - my spelunking trip to Gua Tempurung was postponed to next month. I missed the Big Bad Wolf Book Sale which ran for fourteen days next door to my office. I put off visiting an ex-colleague and her newborn son for indeterminate days. After an enthusiastic beginning, my blog was left untended for nearly a month.
But a lot of things happened too - I went on day trip to Kota Tinggi to visit an uncle. Although I was never really quite one who is attached to family, visiting my elderly relatives brought a certain weight to my reality.
No man is an island, and life is always a legacy passed from one to another.
I had numerous sessions of much needed talk with my friends over the week, planned and unplanned. It's heartening to learn despite our sporadic encounters these days, our bonds continues to reinforce. Especially looking at my friend's kids, their hands holding on to us like they have known us all along, made me realise how there are always larger things at work in life.
The wonders of life, the wonders in living - how we are all connected to one another, by blood, by experience, by memories.
In the meantime, work has taken hold of my life almost entirely. But I am enjoying it. I meet new people every day, and they in turn enrich my experience, professionally and personally.
From time to time I keep thinking, even though at the beginning I wasn't certain what I'm supposed to do - I'm beginning to see what I'm doing now is what I'm meant to do, all along.
But a lot of things happened too - I went on day trip to Kota Tinggi to visit an uncle. Although I was never really quite one who is attached to family, visiting my elderly relatives brought a certain weight to my reality.
No man is an island, and life is always a legacy passed from one to another.
I had numerous sessions of much needed talk with my friends over the week, planned and unplanned. It's heartening to learn despite our sporadic encounters these days, our bonds continues to reinforce. Especially looking at my friend's kids, their hands holding on to us like they have known us all along, made me realise how there are always larger things at work in life.
The wonders of life, the wonders in living - how we are all connected to one another, by blood, by experience, by memories.
In the meantime, work has taken hold of my life almost entirely. But I am enjoying it. I meet new people every day, and they in turn enrich my experience, professionally and personally.
From time to time I keep thinking, even though at the beginning I wasn't certain what I'm supposed to do - I'm beginning to see what I'm doing now is what I'm meant to do, all along.
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Where are the young?
Here's a situation:
Rural communities in Cambodia rely on charcoal production as one of their sources for income. The process technology is inefficient, the only wood they get from is through illegal logging, and due to the inefficient production process, the profit margin is small - even though charcoal production contributes to more than 50% of the community's income.
Then comes GERES (Groupe Energies Renouvelables, Environnement et Solidarités) - who introduced and built the Yoshimura kiln for the Cambodian rural households, managed to increase the production efficiency to 30% (less wood is used to produce the same amount of charcoal) and to improve and further standardize the charcoal products to be sold at premium (and higher) price.
Additionally, Yoshimura kiln generates wood vinegar as by-products of the charcoal production process, which can be sold at the supermarket for cooking and agriculture purposes.
From an individually manipulative and environmentally degrading process, the project turn around what is a major economic activity of the Cambodian rural community into a social enterprise project.
I learned about the project from a training organised by the Italian Trade Commission, the presenter was a young man, perhaps no more 5 years older than myself. His presentation was enthusiastically received, and as I was sitting there, listening to his interactive debate with the audience, I looked around and saw among other, palm oil veterans and university professors, I thought to myself; where are the young?
Where are our young?
Rural communities in Cambodia rely on charcoal production as one of their sources for income. The process technology is inefficient, the only wood they get from is through illegal logging, and due to the inefficient production process, the profit margin is small - even though charcoal production contributes to more than 50% of the community's income.
Then comes GERES (Groupe Energies Renouvelables, Environnement et Solidarités) - who introduced and built the Yoshimura kiln for the Cambodian rural households, managed to increase the production efficiency to 30% (less wood is used to produce the same amount of charcoal) and to improve and further standardize the charcoal products to be sold at premium (and higher) price.
Additionally, Yoshimura kiln generates wood vinegar as by-products of the charcoal production process, which can be sold at the supermarket for cooking and agriculture purposes.
From an individually manipulative and environmentally degrading process, the project turn around what is a major economic activity of the Cambodian rural community into a social enterprise project.
I learned about the project from a training organised by the Italian Trade Commission, the presenter was a young man, perhaps no more 5 years older than myself. His presentation was enthusiastically received, and as I was sitting there, listening to his interactive debate with the audience, I looked around and saw among other, palm oil veterans and university professors, I thought to myself; where are the young?
Where are our young?
Thursday, June 23, 2011
The trouble with being small
I always get tongue-tied when people ask about what I do at work. What comes out of my mouth are usually a mumbo-jumbo of words which so often leave people even more perplexed. The conversation usually goes like this;
"So where are you working? Putrajaya. Which Ministry/Department? Oh, no. I work in the private sector. (Surprised look) Really, which company are you working with? It's a small company, we do management consulting and seminar/conference planning. (Feigned interest) Ah, so what kind of work/projects are you doing right now? Oh, um, I'm involved in this non-profit government-to-government initiative to promote the biomass industry. But you said you're not working with government. You're correct, I'm not, but we're engaged by the government to do this project. (Vigorous nodding followed by awkward silence)"
When I was in the university, I never thought of myself working with a small/medium-sized business. Partly because I think I'd always end up doing research and studying all my life, and eventually when I got the scholarship from the government - I thought my path is set in the public sector.
But I should've known, growing up and watching my father managed one of his companies he's working for with my mother and eldest brother, and few years of sleepover in his office whenever we come down to KL when I was younger, it is only natural I gravitate towards the same environment when I start my working life.
So I learned, no matter what your position is titled - when you're working for small-sized business - your job description is almost indefinable. Of course, you know what is your core skills and responsibilities (and eventually, you learn to maintain these as something only you can do in the organisation), but at the same time you need to be prepared to go beyond what is required of you. Because the truth is, there is no one else to do it.
There is also no clear hierarchy in small business. When your superior is present, then you normally assume your given role. But in small business we do not have the pleasure of time and space (let alone, budget) - so when (and often) your superior has to be elsewhere for a different project and you have to replace him or her for an equally essential task - you assume their role. Take charge and own the project as if it's your own.
My work today spanned from answering e-mails to one of our project's stakeholders, maintaining an updated list of participants for the upcoming seminar on renewable energy hosted by our partner, digging out statistics on the availability of oil palm waste in the country, rooting for information on latest government's incentives offered to small and medium businesses in green technology sector, participating in a short discussion about another conference in October, and organising (and attending) meetings for my boss with one of our member companies before I go home. Along the day, I had to figure out what I need to do to finalise the agreements between our project members and their consultants for eco-labelling and clean development exercises which we're funding.
Title-wise, I performed the tasks of a personal assistant, an event executive and a industry/market researcher.
The trouble with being small is you may end up doing three jobs but being paid for one, and the trouble with being small is you have to learn fast and be as agile with your roles as you are in relating to your colleagues or clients at work. The trouble with being small is you have to be prepared to take or leave what you're asked to do - because with the limited resources, there is little room for trying, and because honest to god, if you fail, there is no one else there to blame.
A year and more spent being in small business, and a couple of years to come (my project will not end until 2013) - I find that I have no trouble at all with being small.
"So where are you working? Putrajaya. Which Ministry/Department? Oh, no. I work in the private sector. (Surprised look) Really, which company are you working with? It's a small company, we do management consulting and seminar/conference planning. (Feigned interest) Ah, so what kind of work/projects are you doing right now? Oh, um, I'm involved in this non-profit government-to-government initiative to promote the biomass industry. But you said you're not working with government. You're correct, I'm not, but we're engaged by the government to do this project. (Vigorous nodding followed by awkward silence)"
When I was in the university, I never thought of myself working with a small/medium-sized business. Partly because I think I'd always end up doing research and studying all my life, and eventually when I got the scholarship from the government - I thought my path is set in the public sector.
But I should've known, growing up and watching my father managed one of his companies he's working for with my mother and eldest brother, and few years of sleepover in his office whenever we come down to KL when I was younger, it is only natural I gravitate towards the same environment when I start my working life.
So I learned, no matter what your position is titled - when you're working for small-sized business - your job description is almost indefinable. Of course, you know what is your core skills and responsibilities (and eventually, you learn to maintain these as something only you can do in the organisation), but at the same time you need to be prepared to go beyond what is required of you. Because the truth is, there is no one else to do it.
There is also no clear hierarchy in small business. When your superior is present, then you normally assume your given role. But in small business we do not have the pleasure of time and space (let alone, budget) - so when (and often) your superior has to be elsewhere for a different project and you have to replace him or her for an equally essential task - you assume their role. Take charge and own the project as if it's your own.
My work today spanned from answering e-mails to one of our project's stakeholders, maintaining an updated list of participants for the upcoming seminar on renewable energy hosted by our partner, digging out statistics on the availability of oil palm waste in the country, rooting for information on latest government's incentives offered to small and medium businesses in green technology sector, participating in a short discussion about another conference in October, and organising (and attending) meetings for my boss with one of our member companies before I go home. Along the day, I had to figure out what I need to do to finalise the agreements between our project members and their consultants for eco-labelling and clean development exercises which we're funding.
Title-wise, I performed the tasks of a personal assistant, an event executive and a industry/market researcher.
The trouble with being small is you may end up doing three jobs but being paid for one, and the trouble with being small is you have to learn fast and be as agile with your roles as you are in relating to your colleagues or clients at work. The trouble with being small is you have to be prepared to take or leave what you're asked to do - because with the limited resources, there is little room for trying, and because honest to god, if you fail, there is no one else there to blame.
A year and more spent being in small business, and a couple of years to come (my project will not end until 2013) - I find that I have no trouble at all with being small.
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
To live frugal and green
"We're living on the credit cards of future generation", so says Matthias Gelber, who was voted the Greenest Man on the Planet in 2008.
On the other hand, "everyone from the public, private sector and academia are looking to the government to change, we've got to stop it!", was the frustration cried by Gurmit Singh. Having worked and fought for environment as long as he did, it's a wonder the man never give up.
I was at the Green Business Forum today; reputed the leaders forum for green business. I chuckled easily when Gurmit Singh told the audience he refused to open the bottled water served on the table. "If you say you support green but you still serve the bottled water, then it's not green - it's greenwashing."
The forum was refreshing, a kick in the butt to keep reminding me why I'm here - in the industry of my own choosing. But above all, it serves as a reminder to my personal resolve in doing my part for the environment;
My earlier thoughts on environment stemmed from resource consumption and respecting nature - they're part and parcel of moral perfectibility. Which is why when the issue of climate change crop up, although it helped me understand the course of environmental history, it acts little as my impetus to continue working for environment. Nevertheless, my beliefs in it has never wavered - seeking to work in the biomass/renewable energy industry was a conscious decision, stopping to buy bottled water was a conscious decision, continuing to use my old battered Kancil was a conscious decision, trying to keep my electricity use below 80kWh/month was a conscious decision.
I still have a long way to go - my plastic and glass bottles still waiting to be sent to recycled centre, my used cooking oil is still well below its 1 litre mark, I am yet to set-up a proper recycling system in my kitchen. It can be daunting, but unless you are convinced that you're doing it for the right reasons, and not merely to jump on the green bandwagon, I'd say why not, take your time, go ahead. We all could do with less wastage.
On the other hand, "everyone from the public, private sector and academia are looking to the government to change, we've got to stop it!", was the frustration cried by Gurmit Singh. Having worked and fought for environment as long as he did, it's a wonder the man never give up.
I was at the Green Business Forum today; reputed the leaders forum for green business. I chuckled easily when Gurmit Singh told the audience he refused to open the bottled water served on the table. "If you say you support green but you still serve the bottled water, then it's not green - it's greenwashing."
The forum was refreshing, a kick in the butt to keep reminding me why I'm here - in the industry of my own choosing. But above all, it serves as a reminder to my personal resolve in doing my part for the environment;
My earlier thoughts on environment stemmed from resource consumption and respecting nature - they're part and parcel of moral perfectibility. Which is why when the issue of climate change crop up, although it helped me understand the course of environmental history, it acts little as my impetus to continue working for environment. Nevertheless, my beliefs in it has never wavered - seeking to work in the biomass/renewable energy industry was a conscious decision, stopping to buy bottled water was a conscious decision, continuing to use my old battered Kancil was a conscious decision, trying to keep my electricity use below 80kWh/month was a conscious decision.
I still have a long way to go - my plastic and glass bottles still waiting to be sent to recycled centre, my used cooking oil is still well below its 1 litre mark, I am yet to set-up a proper recycling system in my kitchen. It can be daunting, but unless you are convinced that you're doing it for the right reasons, and not merely to jump on the green bandwagon, I'd say why not, take your time, go ahead. We all could do with less wastage.
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Breaking boundaries
I stepped into the business lounge and my step was frozen. A vivid image of a scene in a Godfather-like movie rushed into my mind where rich and old businessmen are sitting around in a dimly lit room clouded with cigar smoke, coffee and tea half-drank and cups littered with ashes, hushed voices indicates discussion of important but hazy business.
I chuckled to myself. Even though I know I was supposed to be impressed with the situation, I found it strangely comical.
"Ah, I was looking for you." A deep, hoarse voice interrupted my line of thoughts and I looked to the left. Three men were approaching, dapper in suits and shiny shoes. I smiled and shook hands with them. We exchanged pleasantries and ever gentlemen, they led me through the door to get to our seats.
As we sat, I suddenly felt eyes on me. I looked around and noticed an interested look thrown by the on-lookers. In passing, I wondered why before I turned to join the conversation again.
We spoke for the next hour; they did most of the talking, while I took notes and chipped in when necessary. For them it's a business opportunity, for me it's a learning experience.
When we stood up to leave later, shaking hands again and promising to follow up and keep in touch, once again I saw heads turned from other tables. I stepped back and took a good look at our group; a Chinese man and his son, an Acehnese who has been working here for more than 10 years, an Irish who loves his char kuey teow, a Malay uncle who hailed from the same place where my parents live; they are all grown men and I, a young woman in scarf who sat and stood on the same par with them.
It's becoming regular occurrences now, to find myself in a situation where conventions dictates I have no business being there. But, who's to say what or who I am determines what I can or can't do?
I chuckled to myself. Even though I know I was supposed to be impressed with the situation, I found it strangely comical.
"Ah, I was looking for you." A deep, hoarse voice interrupted my line of thoughts and I looked to the left. Three men were approaching, dapper in suits and shiny shoes. I smiled and shook hands with them. We exchanged pleasantries and ever gentlemen, they led me through the door to get to our seats.
As we sat, I suddenly felt eyes on me. I looked around and noticed an interested look thrown by the on-lookers. In passing, I wondered why before I turned to join the conversation again.
We spoke for the next hour; they did most of the talking, while I took notes and chipped in when necessary. For them it's a business opportunity, for me it's a learning experience.
When we stood up to leave later, shaking hands again and promising to follow up and keep in touch, once again I saw heads turned from other tables. I stepped back and took a good look at our group; a Chinese man and his son, an Acehnese who has been working here for more than 10 years, an Irish who loves his char kuey teow, a Malay uncle who hailed from the same place where my parents live; they are all grown men and I, a young woman in scarf who sat and stood on the same par with them.
It's becoming regular occurrences now, to find myself in a situation where conventions dictates I have no business being there. But, who's to say what or who I am determines what I can or can't do?
Monday, May 23, 2011
Think of yourself as Me, Inc.
"Stop thinking of yourself as a dweeb who needs a job, and start thinking of yourself as a financial entity that must survive over a half century. By viewing yourself as a small company, you practice goal-setting, accountability, strategic planning, financial management, and marketing, and give yourself a framework for success." - Martin Yate
I like the idea of being the CEO of my own life. Especially when Alexandra Levit likens our professional development to a smart phone, downloading various useful apps (skills and responsibilities) which allows us to function and serve useful purpose to those around us.
I've been through a career hellhole, but one day when I was sitting in front of a friend and he asked, locking my eyes in earnest, "so, you are going to stay with the job until 2013?", I was suddenly struck with a realisation that I've never felt so clear about what I had to do with my life, until then.
I knew my answer to him wasn't very assuring when I gave him a non-committal smile and a half-nod. But I'm suddenly aware of an alignment as to what I am inside and what I can offer to the world - reliability. And such awareness gives me a renewed sense of purpose when I was back at the office the next week.
"In life we do not always get an opportunity to do what we like best at the time of our choosing. Search and you will find." Those are the words of Tunku Aziz when I sought his advice. I thought; if I can't find now, if I'm yet to understand - then I might as well give it my best shot while I'm at it.
I like the idea of being the CEO of my own life. Especially when Alexandra Levit likens our professional development to a smart phone, downloading various useful apps (skills and responsibilities) which allows us to function and serve useful purpose to those around us.
I've been through a career hellhole, but one day when I was sitting in front of a friend and he asked, locking my eyes in earnest, "so, you are going to stay with the job until 2013?", I was suddenly struck with a realisation that I've never felt so clear about what I had to do with my life, until then.
I knew my answer to him wasn't very assuring when I gave him a non-committal smile and a half-nod. But I'm suddenly aware of an alignment as to what I am inside and what I can offer to the world - reliability. And such awareness gives me a renewed sense of purpose when I was back at the office the next week.
"In life we do not always get an opportunity to do what we like best at the time of our choosing. Search and you will find." Those are the words of Tunku Aziz when I sought his advice. I thought; if I can't find now, if I'm yet to understand - then I might as well give it my best shot while I'm at it.
Saturday, May 21, 2011
Where Will I Be in Five Years
“If you believe if you’re going to…change the world, you’re going to end up either a pessimist or a cynic. But if you understand your limited power and define yourself by your ability to resist injustice, rather than by what you accomplish, then I think reality is much easier to bear.” Chris Hedges
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Disconnect and recharge
"To manage the storm around us, we need to quiet the storm inside ourselves". I've been quite a follower to Tony Schwartz's blog in the past year. A proponent of productivity and engagement at the workplace (and how the way we're working isn't working), his musings often touch on how to get the best from our daily tasks and actions without sapping ourselves of our precious energy.
At the same time, Tony's writings are also personal. The way he relates his theories to his day-to-day life and activities give me a strange comfort in knowing I'm not alone in experiencing detachment and burnouts in my workplace.
It took me a number of job applications made in haste and an interview with another prospective (but nonetheless incompatible) company to made me realise what I hate in my current job is not the job itself, but the mindless operating robot I've turned into. It took me a week spent among the project network stakeholders (not to mention the much needed time out of the office) and a night mulling over figures and numbers to remember again what actually inspires me about my work;
The satisfaction of completing one little project at a time, reading and writing about issues I believe in, understanding science behind everything, the enriching experience I get when I speak to everyday entrepreneurs and industrialists, the ability to see the big picture, picking apart drivers and barriers governing our decisions.
In the grand scheme of things, they might be futile. What I'm doing may account for only one single little dot in the gigantic map of global struggle, but they will drive me forward. They will be the crutch to keep my feet steady, to keep me walking until the end - limping or not.
At the same time, Tony's writings are also personal. The way he relates his theories to his day-to-day life and activities give me a strange comfort in knowing I'm not alone in experiencing detachment and burnouts in my workplace.
It took me a number of job applications made in haste and an interview with another prospective (but nonetheless incompatible) company to made me realise what I hate in my current job is not the job itself, but the mindless operating robot I've turned into. It took me a week spent among the project network stakeholders (not to mention the much needed time out of the office) and a night mulling over figures and numbers to remember again what actually inspires me about my work;
The satisfaction of completing one little project at a time, reading and writing about issues I believe in, understanding science behind everything, the enriching experience I get when I speak to everyday entrepreneurs and industrialists, the ability to see the big picture, picking apart drivers and barriers governing our decisions.
In the grand scheme of things, they might be futile. What I'm doing may account for only one single little dot in the gigantic map of global struggle, but they will drive me forward. They will be the crutch to keep my feet steady, to keep me walking until the end - limping or not.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Delicious Ambiguity
Alexandra Levit was right when she was talking about how we might be taking our job for granted. 'Meaning is in the eye of beholder'; we create our own meaningful experiences.
I was supposed to attend an interview yesterday. I was at crossroads deciding whether or not I should go. On one hand, the position wasn't really something I'm after. It's one of the little tricky things about the terms of my sponsorship. I'm supposed to serve for my sponsor, but I don't get a say in choosing the line of works I'm interested in or passionate about.
On the other hand, I am aware I cannot get too complacent with my current position. For the time being and in the next year, my responsibilities will involve working with and assisting small companies - they will be where I derive my meaning from. However, my office environment isn't too nurturing of my dreams, values and inspirations and for someone who attach values to her works - it's a struggling environment to survive.
I decided to give the interview a pass, and it feels like the right decision to do. Coming back to the office yesterday with my desk piled up with pending works gave me a sense of purpose and hope. I have no idea what's in store for me in the future, but I believe the right thing will come when the time is right - what's important is for me to be good at what I do and I do it right.
A wise old man once told me, "You need to set your goal or goals clearly and work hard and prove that qualifications apart, you are someone who acts ethically in all that you do,- in other words, you are trustworthy. Time is on your side; you are young and the world is at your feet". I think I'm beginning to get it.
I was supposed to attend an interview yesterday. I was at crossroads deciding whether or not I should go. On one hand, the position wasn't really something I'm after. It's one of the little tricky things about the terms of my sponsorship. I'm supposed to serve for my sponsor, but I don't get a say in choosing the line of works I'm interested in or passionate about.
On the other hand, I am aware I cannot get too complacent with my current position. For the time being and in the next year, my responsibilities will involve working with and assisting small companies - they will be where I derive my meaning from. However, my office environment isn't too nurturing of my dreams, values and inspirations and for someone who attach values to her works - it's a struggling environment to survive.
I decided to give the interview a pass, and it feels like the right decision to do. Coming back to the office yesterday with my desk piled up with pending works gave me a sense of purpose and hope. I have no idea what's in store for me in the future, but I believe the right thing will come when the time is right - what's important is for me to be good at what I do and I do it right.
A wise old man once told me, "You need to set your goal or goals clearly and work hard and prove that qualifications apart, you are someone who acts ethically in all that you do,- in other words, you are trustworthy. Time is on your side; you are young and the world is at your feet". I think I'm beginning to get it.
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
The story of stuffs and gender
After almost a year and a half in Australia, there are two things I am beginning to look at differently now.
Firstly, what, why, and how much stuffs I am using in my daily life now as compared to when I was in Malaysia. Transportation provides the first striking difference, whereas in Malaysia it's almost impossible to walk to get anywhere near to my destination, I only have to walk to get to school, buy my groceries, and watch movies these days.
Not only I drive almost every day in Malaysia, but every two or three month I drive intensively back and forth from school to home. Although I admit I enjoy driving immensely, especially so with the company of friends and along the beautiful beaches of Pahang, Terengganu, and Kelantan; living in Randwick now provides me with the satisfaction of being able to connect to my local areas, to know every road by foot, to know the owner of the store, to get a glimpse of familiar neighbour every time I walk by. At the same time, it doesn't cut me off from the world.
In terms of buying food and things, I notice how I am producing less surplus when I started to get things I only need. Part of it is attributable to living alone of course, because in Malaysia I usually buy things for my brothers and nieces, which also explains how we are more connected by things than communal interactions in our life now more than ever.
Watch the Story of Stuffs to see what I mean about buying and using stuffs and their impacts on our lives, and watch how much our world has changed since 200 years ago.
Another new perspective which I found revealing is the interplay of sex and gender in our society. Sex is biological, but gender is cultural. Who we are and how we behave is constructed by our society. And guess what, even what we interpret from the Bible, the Last Testament, and the Quran are socially constructed. It really is a question to ponder, what values underlie our judgments in the interactions of our daily life, and how sometimes we are clouded by perspectives which we think our own but not.
I've gained a lot of insightful awareness and confidence in the past year, and I believe I'm already miles away from what I had been before. The only question is, how do I bring these realization home and stay true to myself while bringing about the change I want to see in my home country?
Firstly, what, why, and how much stuffs I am using in my daily life now as compared to when I was in Malaysia. Transportation provides the first striking difference, whereas in Malaysia it's almost impossible to walk to get anywhere near to my destination, I only have to walk to get to school, buy my groceries, and watch movies these days.
Not only I drive almost every day in Malaysia, but every two or three month I drive intensively back and forth from school to home. Although I admit I enjoy driving immensely, especially so with the company of friends and along the beautiful beaches of Pahang, Terengganu, and Kelantan; living in Randwick now provides me with the satisfaction of being able to connect to my local areas, to know every road by foot, to know the owner of the store, to get a glimpse of familiar neighbour every time I walk by. At the same time, it doesn't cut me off from the world.
In terms of buying food and things, I notice how I am producing less surplus when I started to get things I only need. Part of it is attributable to living alone of course, because in Malaysia I usually buy things for my brothers and nieces, which also explains how we are more connected by things than communal interactions in our life now more than ever.
Watch the Story of Stuffs to see what I mean about buying and using stuffs and their impacts on our lives, and watch how much our world has changed since 200 years ago.
Another new perspective which I found revealing is the interplay of sex and gender in our society. Sex is biological, but gender is cultural. Who we are and how we behave is constructed by our society. And guess what, even what we interpret from the Bible, the Last Testament, and the Quran are socially constructed. It really is a question to ponder, what values underlie our judgments in the interactions of our daily life, and how sometimes we are clouded by perspectives which we think our own but not.
I've gained a lot of insightful awareness and confidence in the past year, and I believe I'm already miles away from what I had been before. The only question is, how do I bring these realization home and stay true to myself while bringing about the change I want to see in my home country?
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Work Like a Dog, Eat Like a Pig
Okay, it is not entirely true. Because when I'm working I'm on high, and being on high to me is equivalent to being distressed. When I'm distressed, I retreat and I only eat when my stomach is at the edge of collapsing. I've been eating whatever I have in the fridge in the past week, and if you wonder what it is, it consist of egg in one way or another.
Half-boiled egg, omelette, french toast - and pancakes, of course, because out of one egg and one cup of flour I can make up to five pancakes, which covers me for breakfast and lunch.
As of now, I am finishing an assignment reviewing a research done on public attitudes towards electricity alternatives - an applied social research. Ever wonder where all those knowledge of primers, polymerase and DNA sequencing go? Certainly not in evaluating whether people have designed questionnaires or interview questions with enough clarity.
Life works in mysterious ways, I certainly and ardently hope.
My schedule will be filled with events throughout the impending semester break. The backpacking trip to Canberra and Melbourne, Sydney Film Festival, the remaining law assignments, and Power Shift. A relaxing one too, I hope despite all the excitements. I am simply looking forward to put both my feet up and read as much books as I can.
Half-boiled egg, omelette, french toast - and pancakes, of course, because out of one egg and one cup of flour I can make up to five pancakes, which covers me for breakfast and lunch.
As of now, I am finishing an assignment reviewing a research done on public attitudes towards electricity alternatives - an applied social research. Ever wonder where all those knowledge of primers, polymerase and DNA sequencing go? Certainly not in evaluating whether people have designed questionnaires or interview questions with enough clarity.
Life works in mysterious ways, I certainly and ardently hope.
My schedule will be filled with events throughout the impending semester break. The backpacking trip to Canberra and Melbourne, Sydney Film Festival, the remaining law assignments, and Power Shift. A relaxing one too, I hope despite all the excitements. I am simply looking forward to put both my feet up and read as much books as I can.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
The Most Enlightening Lecture
"Culture, religion, ideologies are not immutable phenomenon"
We were talking about international governance last week. John Merson, the director of our school showed us how a mutual interest or concern can trascend differences or divides between nations. He also showed us the potential impact of climate change in 15-30 years, as I saw from the map, if unmitigated, Malaysia is included in the red region where the increasing sea levels will practically submerge our peninsular.
A sovereign nation, lost into the sea. I wonder if anyone in our government is taking notice about this?
If you ask me about my lecturers in UNSW, one notable example I found in them is they are actively involved with what's going on out there. Whether they have worked in industries in a long time and then found themselves teaching with the impending of their retirement age, like my teacher who used to serve in the Department of Premier and Cabinet of NSW, or they possess enough expertise to being called as one of the consulting members in the government decision.
When we talk about solid waste management, my lecturer will draw upon his experience working with industries around Sydney, if we talk about water quality, my lecturer will show how water authorities works around NSW - and in my observation, this familiarity creates both the importance and urgency of what we as students doing in the course. Real-world problems, real-world solutions.
I think somehow the course is shaping itself before me now, and I feel more confident about the direction I am heading in near future. The only question is, how big is the barrier I have to break and bridge waiting for me in my homeland?
John Merson
We were talking about international governance last week. John Merson, the director of our school showed us how a mutual interest or concern can trascend differences or divides between nations. He also showed us the potential impact of climate change in 15-30 years, as I saw from the map, if unmitigated, Malaysia is included in the red region where the increasing sea levels will practically submerge our peninsular.
A sovereign nation, lost into the sea. I wonder if anyone in our government is taking notice about this?
If you ask me about my lecturers in UNSW, one notable example I found in them is they are actively involved with what's going on out there. Whether they have worked in industries in a long time and then found themselves teaching with the impending of their retirement age, like my teacher who used to serve in the Department of Premier and Cabinet of NSW, or they possess enough expertise to being called as one of the consulting members in the government decision.
When we talk about solid waste management, my lecturer will draw upon his experience working with industries around Sydney, if we talk about water quality, my lecturer will show how water authorities works around NSW - and in my observation, this familiarity creates both the importance and urgency of what we as students doing in the course. Real-world problems, real-world solutions.
I think somehow the course is shaping itself before me now, and I feel more confident about the direction I am heading in near future. The only question is, how big is the barrier I have to break and bridge waiting for me in my homeland?
Sunday, May 24, 2009
A Review of Everything
I watched Angels and Demons last night. A lot better than the Da Vinci Code, definitely. It made me re-think how Dan Brown managed to bring the debate of science and religion to the open, and it reminds me of Salman Rushdie recollection of his scholarly father introspecting the Quran.
That was old time, the glorious era of pluralism and healthy debate.
The assignment for reviewing the technology on energy is highly stimulating, I find. Somehow knowing the decision maker is asking your opinion about what should be done is comforting. Although I know I should not be too innocent, surely public participation - in the real world cannot escape the politics of power.
Nevertheless, I want to avoid being too much of a cynic.
I finished reading Eat, Pray, Love. Wise, but I think it must be difficult for any human being not to be a tad too self-absorbed, which is what happened with the memoir. Surely I would like to believe how God can reach out to me in any ways, but trascending and colliding with Him as one? I am yet to experience it.
Now the question of God Himself - is a subject I avoid thinking about these days.
The school is ending in two weeks, now don't you think how fast time flies? I'm coming home in six months. I'm not sure what awaits me, but I try not to fret too much. For all of you know, how much I fret.
That was old time, the glorious era of pluralism and healthy debate.
The assignment for reviewing the technology on energy is highly stimulating, I find. Somehow knowing the decision maker is asking your opinion about what should be done is comforting. Although I know I should not be too innocent, surely public participation - in the real world cannot escape the politics of power.
Nevertheless, I want to avoid being too much of a cynic.
I finished reading Eat, Pray, Love. Wise, but I think it must be difficult for any human being not to be a tad too self-absorbed, which is what happened with the memoir. Surely I would like to believe how God can reach out to me in any ways, but trascending and colliding with Him as one? I am yet to experience it.
Now the question of God Himself - is a subject I avoid thinking about these days.
The school is ending in two weeks, now don't you think how fast time flies? I'm coming home in six months. I'm not sure what awaits me, but I try not to fret too much. For all of you know, how much I fret.
Friday, April 17, 2009
The Making of a Workaholic
I've been entirely occupied with my short course in environmental law. Insightful teacher, and a humorous one too. I wish the course could go on forever. I noticed today how these days I think less about going home because I am actually enjoying class and work. Finally, I have a life.
It's good to go about doing stuffs through normal schedule for a change - attending class in the morning, finishing assignments at night - as opposed to the usual routine of doing work (rather unsuccessfully at it) in the morning and going to class in the evening.
Malaysia have a lot to answer for its accountability and transparency in fulfilling the common law, I believe. If only I could change things for the better. I could, but I believe it's going to take a hell of very long time.
Ah, no wonder people say patience is a virtue.
It's good to go about doing stuffs through normal schedule for a change - attending class in the morning, finishing assignments at night - as opposed to the usual routine of doing work (rather unsuccessfully at it) in the morning and going to class in the evening.
Malaysia have a lot to answer for its accountability and transparency in fulfilling the common law, I believe. If only I could change things for the better. I could, but I believe it's going to take a hell of very long time.
Ah, no wonder people say patience is a virtue.
Monday, April 6, 2009
We are strangers before thee, and sojourners
The board was full, pasted with all kinds of passionate activisms for the strong causes in the different parts of the world. I leaned my head on the wall behind me, don't you think it's tiring simply looking at the board? I wanted to ask him, but I decided not to. Whoever these days think about things like these, no one - and not they want to either. I shook my head, as if it could shake off the exhausting thoughts from my head. I smiled a bit, his bright t-shirt lifted up my spirit.
The truth is, life grows to be an increasingly frustrating place to be (not to say death is a better alternative either). For one, there are problems around the world everywhere which never seem to go away - prejudice, discrimination, utter greed. To add to it we are now facing the threat of world collapse, the resources sucked dry, the treasured ruined. And still, still - we go on in our life as if nothing has changed. We've got to to live, right?
I wish I have all the answers, I wish I can change everything. I wish time is on my side. I wish people would stop going about their daily lives for once and say, hey let's do something different today. I wish we could all dance simply to have a good time. I wish the world is not so complicated as people make it to be. I wish my ancestors hadn't hated each other so I can love and embrace more people today. I wish, I wish.
The truth is, life grows to be an increasingly frustrating place to be (not to say death is a better alternative either). For one, there are problems around the world everywhere which never seem to go away - prejudice, discrimination, utter greed. To add to it we are now facing the threat of world collapse, the resources sucked dry, the treasured ruined. And still, still - we go on in our life as if nothing has changed. We've got to to live, right?
I wish I have all the answers, I wish I can change everything. I wish time is on my side. I wish people would stop going about their daily lives for once and say, hey let's do something different today. I wish we could all dance simply to have a good time. I wish the world is not so complicated as people make it to be. I wish my ancestors hadn't hated each other so I can love and embrace more people today. I wish, I wish.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
School and Whatnots
I'm beginning to fear environmental management is fast becoming the it-course nowadays. The course for the popular, the affluent, and the vegan hippie wannabes.
God, I'm afraid I'm going to miss the days when knowledge is knowledge.
Putting the grave note aside, classes means early bedtime and recurring dreams and nightmares. This is the paradox of my life, I go to bed tired, I dream weird dreams because I was sleeping soundly, and I wake up even more tired.
Oh, no, that wasn't really a happy not either.
Maybe it's today's gloomy weather, and these heart-wrenching tracks from The Swell Season I'm listening to.
Just like I told my brother, for some reason, I missed crying again.
God, I'm afraid I'm going to miss the days when knowledge is knowledge.
Putting the grave note aside, classes means early bedtime and recurring dreams and nightmares. This is the paradox of my life, I go to bed tired, I dream weird dreams because I was sleeping soundly, and I wake up even more tired.
Oh, no, that wasn't really a happy not either.
Maybe it's today's gloomy weather, and these heart-wrenching tracks from The Swell Season I'm listening to.
Just like I told my brother, for some reason, I missed crying again.
Monday, March 2, 2009
Pre-Session Tell Tale
Whoever gets excited when school starts again? Whoever gladly trots the campus all the way to the bookshop to get all the prescribed textbooks and even to buy the textbook she doesn't need? Whoever checks the course outline and read for the upcoming assignments weeks before the first class begin?
I do! God, forgive me for being such a compulsive nerd.
I do! God, forgive me for being such a compulsive nerd.
Friday, January 16, 2009
Speed Reading
Now I feel like working.
The past week, in the event of my deceased (I hate to think so, but I'm coming to term with it now) laptop, as well as the fact I'm staying at the Malaysia Hall Sydney which is devoid of immediate ICT facilities - I've been living like a real postgraduate student.
Waking up at 5.30 in the morning and later on walking to my school with the grave intent to finish my assignment, I spend the whole long day at the working room, coming out only to make occassional coffee or to have lunch. I walk back by 7.00 in the evening, reading book before bedtime and falling asleep as early as 10.00. I've finished the Secret Life of Bees, People of the Book and the Last Lecture. My Name is Red, unfortunately, is still a struggle.
Somehow I turn out to be productive more than ever.
The deafening silence still gets to me sometime, but not as bad as the first few days since I arrived. I was missing home like mad, nothing a reclusive person like me can ever imagined.
But I realize now what is it which drives me to finish the course with flying colours; it's my family back home. It's hard to accept I'm growing old and somehow rather wistful now, but alas, if it means love, so be it.
The past week, in the event of my deceased (I hate to think so, but I'm coming to term with it now) laptop, as well as the fact I'm staying at the Malaysia Hall Sydney which is devoid of immediate ICT facilities - I've been living like a real postgraduate student.
Waking up at 5.30 in the morning and later on walking to my school with the grave intent to finish my assignment, I spend the whole long day at the working room, coming out only to make occassional coffee or to have lunch. I walk back by 7.00 in the evening, reading book before bedtime and falling asleep as early as 10.00. I've finished the Secret Life of Bees, People of the Book and the Last Lecture. My Name is Red, unfortunately, is still a struggle.
Somehow I turn out to be productive more than ever.
The deafening silence still gets to me sometime, but not as bad as the first few days since I arrived. I was missing home like mad, nothing a reclusive person like me can ever imagined.
But I realize now what is it which drives me to finish the course with flying colours; it's my family back home. It's hard to accept I'm growing old and somehow rather wistful now, but alas, if it means love, so be it.
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Academic Reflections
Re-writing blog post is a good way to reflect, I think. The passing week has been splendid and full. Without intending to sound geeky, I had fun finishing the assignments. One was on the subject of river management, and another the historical evolution and philosophical framewok behind environmental governance in Malaysia. Uncovering Malaysian systems to me is a revelation in itself. Oh yes, tak kenal maka tak cinta applies rather appropriately in my case, I think the country now is growing dear to my heart.
Taking time to learn about the structure of our country, the progress it has made and the systems involved in achieving it is of particular importance to me and seeing it in light of international settings - I ardently hope we could learn more, because hasty judgments certainly do no good to me and my generation.
On a different note, I finally discovered a way to my friends’ heart - brownies. I suppose I had instinctively known it before, only I’ve never really applied it in the Land Down Under. While waiting for my group members to come in celebrating the end of our assignment, I took out a box of brownies I made and in a flashing seconds the walkway where I sat became a hub for lively discussion, not to mention an outlet for new friends and acquaintances as well, affable seniors who spent their time in Vietnam and Sarawak among many.
I love Malaysia for the tender abode it gives me, but I love Australia for the fulfilling life it allows me.
Taking time to learn about the structure of our country, the progress it has made and the systems involved in achieving it is of particular importance to me and seeing it in light of international settings - I ardently hope we could learn more, because hasty judgments certainly do no good to me and my generation.
On a different note, I finally discovered a way to my friends’ heart - brownies. I suppose I had instinctively known it before, only I’ve never really applied it in the Land Down Under. While waiting for my group members to come in celebrating the end of our assignment, I took out a box of brownies I made and in a flashing seconds the walkway where I sat became a hub for lively discussion, not to mention an outlet for new friends and acquaintances as well, affable seniors who spent their time in Vietnam and Sarawak among many.
I love Malaysia for the tender abode it gives me, but I love Australia for the fulfilling life it allows me.
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