Rules of attraction

It starts with a chance encounter. The element of surprise would always give you away, after having done all the mundane routines; going, waiting, and returning - his sudden presence at such unexpected times comes almost as a gift, a present for you.

The scientific laws

Next comes the impulsive sizing up of the choosy female in you. Your eyes fell ultimately first on his strong jaws and prominent brows. As he curiously searched the crowd, and finally stopped to catch you in the act, your heart skips a beat, until his serious face breaks into a wide grin, obviously amused. You smile back, warmly, seriously, as if being kind instead of shying away.

You do not proceed to think of anything at first, because throughout the course of twenty years of your life, you have decided to put forth self-respect and dignity above everything else. You accepted the existence of boundaries between yourself and the surrounding males, which if penetrated with selfless acts could leave a mark so deep without you ever intended so.

Until of course, a friend approaches you to say hi with the very object of your esteem by his side, you could not help but be glad to find his broad shoulders and narrow hip so easily cloaked with his white t-shirt and blue jeans. More so as he look at you, evidently surprised at such trite coincidence. Having shared a little secret now, both of you nod and smile at each other with a twinkle in the eyes.

It’s good to know you too, your heart secretly wished. You smile to yourself, regaled by the sudden emergence of the cheeky voice in you, which you know often indicates trouble.

Subjective reality

Subconsciously, you begin to realize the opportunity presented to you at the moment. The thoughts you have always dream about; the whats and hows of your first meeting with the significant other starts to find a way to manifest itself.

Eager to project a strong persona, you sit up straight and lean forward a little, asking him a few questions about himself. He answered sweetly, and ask several questions in return. Both of you would have continued to talk had your friend not interfered. Affectedly bashful by your interest and your friend’s teasing remark, he smiles at his drink. You throw a shot of look at your friend, silently asking him to be understanding.

As you do not want to be too intrusive, you retreated. Resting yourself against the chair, you retired to become the observer of the conversation among the two men. An admirer from afar. You laugh along their jokes, throwing in a comment or two. The situation did not permit for anymore revelation of his personality, as much as you wish to know. But you did share a number of glances with him, and hoping it would flourish into something.

There are times you feel like giving in to fate. Because sometimes the world seems to work in random and reality is out of your control. What if he is simply one of the many men to appear in your life, but who is not supposed to leave any mark? You surely know how bleak is the definition of love at first sight given your previous failed (or rather, faux) experiences.

Alas, you are a person who knows herself, and the power of believing in the beauty of her dreams. You do not fear failure or disappointment, hence you are always ready to enjoy things while it last. You assume responsibility of your actions, and therefore you possess the power to create and channel the reality to become your dreams.

So you continue to enjoy the conversations, even at times only indirectly. You give him the occasional discreet look, the secret smile to say I am here. A few times your friend caught you in the act, you had to casually laugh it off.

Lowering the love costs

Soon arrives the time to part, and you are keen not to leave things hanging. Especially after he had walk especially towards you to say his goodbye. You are frantic at the forced separation. You look at your friend, attempting to make it looks as if you are handing him a few stuffs, while mouthing to him playfully, I like your friend. You sure hope he gets the message, because guys are known to be hopeless at such things.

As you walk home that day, you are giddy with confidence and hope. Though with time a realization dawn upon you how unlikely it is going to work. You had to cross proximity and meeting frequencies out of the possibilities of bringing the encounter to the friendship level. You nearly cursed at no longer having your Friendster account, because otherwise you might be able to dig up something, whatever his name is. But you eventually laughed at the ridiculity of it; you cannot be the young girl with her fancy and delicate relationship game anymore.

You are a grown-up woman now, with strength, passion, and independence only a select few are able to see. You do not wait for love to come around, you live because of it. As much as his sweet smile and deep-set eyes intrigued you, you put him at the back of your mind. Not forgetting him, but not waiting for him either. You return to your friends, talking and sharing with every single one of them. You sit with your family, savoring every moments you could. You read, you sing, and you dream.

So you do what a woman you always envision to be does. You silently wish the best of happiness to your new acquaintance, and convinced nonetheless at the share of your bliss however it may be. You want him to live fully, as you do. Because if chance permits another meeting, both of you will be ready with a cupboard full of adventures to share. But if you are not meeting him again, both of you will surprise another new friends.

The trick is to live the best you can.

Reciprocal liking? You smile at the thought of it, because you are certain there is a tiny glitter of possibility.

Foibles and follies of life

Failing of character, I mused to myself as I was standing in the kitchen, stirring my cup of coffee. My sleep nowadays are filled with long tiring dreams. I wouldn’t call it nightmares, necessarily, but the dreams are intricate nonetheless. I am a believer of how dreams reflects our states of mind, but these days I find it too tiresome to bother.

I wonder, if I write stories based collectively on my dreams. How apt.

As I walked through the hallway, stopping at the large window, I looked out to the street. The street which is never silence. I smiled at the thought of calling the soil my home, not now, not for long.

I suppose the types of people in life are either who makes anywhere a place their call home, or who hardly consider any place close to being home, even their own home. I fall to the latter type, the fearer of emotional claims. A close acquaintance said I ought to be a politician for it. I laughed.

The dishes on the table has already been reduced to sheer scrapes on the plate, I chuckled as I remembered the looks on my brothers’ face as they devoured their lunch; burning hot. I am not a fan of chillies myself, but alas, one tends to underrate oneself.

I winced, a sudden tang of pain shot right through me at remembering the nearness of someone close, at yearning of another comfort company.

It’s certainly difficult to see why a certain somebodies who enjoys the presence of each other can still choose to be happy far apart. Life has a way of expecting different things from us, within minutes we no longer see eye to eye on things once cherished together.

I suppose the difficulty lies there, at how we no can no longer include the person, once in every part of our lives, in decisions we are making for the future. It can easily be overcame, of course, but who on earth today like to talk about these things? People move on, they look forward now.

The cackling laughter of my 2-year old niece suddenly broke the silence of hot afternoon, I walked to the door with a smile I couldn’t usually pull off when I’m around adults and put the thought away at the back of my mind.

Hot weekends like this, who needs gloomy thoughts?