It finally feels like a weekend

A full weekend is all I need after a week of event-organising and project management anxieties.

I've learned recently the week leading to the Chinese New Year's break can be quite stressful as it's the longest holiday our office is going to endure in the year. I've never left the office more than 3 working days so I wonder if our projects is going to fall all over the place while we're away. But then of course it's only the workaholic in me speaking, and my colleague did say I love my work too much for my own good.

So in a way, the up and coming holiday is a good practice to monitor my work cathexis. To work, and to have a break means to learn to invest and commit in something, and to let go again so it will give me more rooms to consider and reconsider my priorities.

The holiday aside, I'm glad to have had a fruitful weekend (despite the fact it's barely over yet);

I'm a morning person regardless whether it's a working day or not, so I got up early today to whip up some pancakes to go with my coffee. It's an indulgence, and a move away from my daily toast for breakfast. The following hours was a blur of sending my car for service, watching a hilarious Hindi movie on TV, and shopping little trinkets, toys and cookies for my nieces.

I spent the evening checking my receipts for the whole month, and making sure I stay on budget until my next paycheck.

Sometimes I think it's the little thing; random duties and negligible pleasures which makes one's life whole.

Some thoughts on cooking (or how to lead a domestic life)

Unencumbered, I used to cherish and hold on to the word with my dear life.

I had found the word in Tony Parson's The Family Way, which tells a story of 3 sisters growing up and grappling with their respective crises of motherhood and domestic life. The story of Cat, Jessica and Megan had appealed to me then because it shows the irregularities and flawed ideals of an adult's life.

Since then, I remember wishing to lead a life without the cumbersome dependence of others. I remember making a vow to myself, I would never let anyone made me wash their plates again simply because I am a girl. To me, a domestic life is equivalent to a life of subservience - an utter nightmare for an obsessive compulsive control freak like me.

So imagine my alarm, after years of worshipping such fancy-free word (and its projected world - if it ever exists), I realised last night I actually find much comfort in cooking, in the luxury of my domestic life and in providing for others!

Maybe growing up has something to do with it. I realised now the older I get, the smaller and the more riddled the divide between my black and white world, between my perception of good and bad. There is no clear-cut ways to life - you make (or create) choices, you get lucky or you screw up, and you repeat the process again; erasing where you can, improvising while you're still around.

Domestic life or not, if any of us find joy in cooking or taking a long ride on our motorbike or splashing around in the ocean or just staying put in front the fire reading our favourite novel listening to Sinatra - then who (or what) are we to say anything, really?

Heart-stealing Spirit Thief: The legend of Eli Monpress

What woman can deny the charm of a gold-hearted larrikin? A thief who steals from the rich but looks after the spirits around him? A self-involved wizard who is also a loyal friend?

Put Harry Potter and Robin Hood together, and add to it a spice of Peter Pan - and you'll get (and be charmed) by Eli Monpress, the greatest thief in the spirit world.

The Spirit Thief tells a story of the Spiritualist Miranda Lyonette, who has been ordered by the Spirit Court to warn the King of Mellinor about Eli Monpress, who is rumoured to be stealing one of Mellinor's greatest treasure.

But Miranda was a little late to arrive in Mellinor, for Eli has already executed his idea. He had stolen the King of Mellinor.

Rachel Aaron's debut novel is a fun read and a novelty. She puts up an intriguing concept of a magical system where everything in the world - everything -  from wind, plants, water, even the door and its nutbolts, has spirits and thus, are capable to act at their own accord.

In the spirit world, human beings are given the power to control the lesser spirits, and thereby own them.

There are a lot of endearing characters in the Spirit Thief. Apart from the charming and beleaguered hero Eli Monpress, Miranda herself is a Spiritualist of principle who cannot help herself than be charmed by the thief. At a strange turn of event, the two enemies somehow struck a chord of friendship.

Similarly, in his renowned works Eli is helped by the swordsman Josef and a girl who is possessed by demon, Nico. A strange, but lovable pair. There is also Gin, Miranda's ghosthound who seems to have a wry sense of humour, and is very fond and protective of his Spiritualist master.

All in all, the story of Eli Monpress makes a nice alternative for us fans of magical characters and fairy stories. Although they could do with a better (and more imaginative) cover, I'm willing to bet my bottom dollar the next sequels of the Spirit Thief (Spirit Rebellion and Spirit Eater) are going to be as exhilirating journey as the first one!

A is for acceptance, B for bravery and C for curiosity

I've found my word for 2011: Accept.

I will accept myself. I am enough and I am never too much. And I will accept whatever and however ways people perceive me. I don't need to justify my existence, neither do they need to understand my differences.

I will accept people as they are. I will not torment myself and others by expecting any more of them than what they already are. I'm grateful for their companionship, and it is already more than I can ask for.

I will accept everything new coming across my life in the next 12 months and beyond as an opportunity to discover and live life. I will not hold myself back. I will not let fear prevent me from doing what I love, or doing the right thing. Even if it's going to be just one step forward, at a time.

I will accept my past as a part of who I am, I will accept the mistakes I've made, and I will accept whatever it was which caused people to have wronged me.

The past is the past, I will accept that although they factored in the way I've grown and become today, they have no influence in whatever choices I'm going to make tomorrow and in the future. 

My word for 2011 is accept. I'm going to open myself, wholly, for it.

2010 in review

2010 was my annus horribilis - it was a year with a lot of confusion, a lot of clinging to the past, and a lot of uncertainties with what I would like to see for myself in the future.

Coming back from Sydney, I had (or I thought I had) a clear sense of self. The only problem was what and who I am didn't really fit in well with what's waiting for me in Malaysia.

I was an emotional wreck for the first few months, frustrated for not being able to move forward and maintained the same optimistic hope I had harboured for myself before I board the plane home.

Then work came. The government job I was waiting for didn't turn up, and I turned down the first of my job offers after a series of phone and personal interviews. Almost immediately, after having spoken to a couple of veterans, I took up the next offer and made my journey to another city, and almost another life.

Looking back, the relocation had come naturally to me. In my battered 4-year old Kancil, filled to the brim with my books (and a bookshelf), a fan, several cookery, and what's left of my wardrobe I faithfully made the climb through the country from my hometown to Kuala Lumpur - on my own.

The feat took me 12 hours, and I wouldn't have done otherwise.

What followed suit was a rapid learning process professionally, and a long, slow climb to build up my social circle again. I made some mistakes but learned a lot of lessons with my colleagues. I made some rash decisions in friendships, and hurt some people along the way. There are some things which I did and I am not proud of , but there are others I am glad I did.

I finally had my graduation attended with my families and friends. It was a cozy and small affair by UNSW, and just the way I like it.

My friends and family's friends came to visit from Sydney, and although we didn't get to do as much travel as we like - talking to them and just being with them reinforced my memories of who I was in Australia and what I've grown to become, and gave me hope to continue to hold my own self and let none others do.

I haven't been truly honest with people I am dear with, but I think I'm getting there. I have decided to have faith in them, as they did me. We have been through thick and thin for more than half a decade now, what kind of proofs more do I need?

Surprisingly, settling down in my new abode proving to be a breeze, and serendipitious. Although we have our differences, my housemates and I, we chose to bond instead on our similarities. After a surprise birthday party, countless movie nights, and repeated sharing sessions - they taught me I was wrong to hold on to my stereotypes about how my stay in Malaysia may not be as lively as it was abroad.

Human beings are human beings everywhere, we're all capable of creating joys, sadness, and lives of our own.

All in all, although 2010 has not been a blast, it has been a knock in the head like an angry parent, like a little string to a balloon, tugging me down rooted and grounded to the earth. Perhaps I'm a little late in saying this: but welcome 2011!