2010 in review

2010 was my annus horribilis - it was a year with a lot of confusion, a lot of clinging to the past, and a lot of uncertainties with what I would like to see for myself in the future.

Coming back from Sydney, I had (or I thought I had) a clear sense of self. The only problem was what and who I am didn't really fit in well with what's waiting for me in Malaysia.

I was an emotional wreck for the first few months, frustrated for not being able to move forward and maintained the same optimistic hope I had harboured for myself before I board the plane home.

Then work came. The government job I was waiting for didn't turn up, and I turned down the first of my job offers after a series of phone and personal interviews. Almost immediately, after having spoken to a couple of veterans, I took up the next offer and made my journey to another city, and almost another life.

Looking back, the relocation had come naturally to me. In my battered 4-year old Kancil, filled to the brim with my books (and a bookshelf), a fan, several cookery, and what's left of my wardrobe I faithfully made the climb through the country from my hometown to Kuala Lumpur - on my own.

The feat took me 12 hours, and I wouldn't have done otherwise.

What followed suit was a rapid learning process professionally, and a long, slow climb to build up my social circle again. I made some mistakes but learned a lot of lessons with my colleagues. I made some rash decisions in friendships, and hurt some people along the way. There are some things which I did and I am not proud of , but there are others I am glad I did.

I finally had my graduation attended with my families and friends. It was a cozy and small affair by UNSW, and just the way I like it.

My friends and family's friends came to visit from Sydney, and although we didn't get to do as much travel as we like - talking to them and just being with them reinforced my memories of who I was in Australia and what I've grown to become, and gave me hope to continue to hold my own self and let none others do.

I haven't been truly honest with people I am dear with, but I think I'm getting there. I have decided to have faith in them, as they did me. We have been through thick and thin for more than half a decade now, what kind of proofs more do I need?

Surprisingly, settling down in my new abode proving to be a breeze, and serendipitious. Although we have our differences, my housemates and I, we chose to bond instead on our similarities. After a surprise birthday party, countless movie nights, and repeated sharing sessions - they taught me I was wrong to hold on to my stereotypes about how my stay in Malaysia may not be as lively as it was abroad.

Human beings are human beings everywhere, we're all capable of creating joys, sadness, and lives of our own.

All in all, although 2010 has not been a blast, it has been a knock in the head like an angry parent, like a little string to a balloon, tugging me down rooted and grounded to the earth. Perhaps I'm a little late in saying this: but welcome 2011!