Wednesday, February 23, 2011
We all need saving
Sometimes when I'm on the verge of slipping into the dark, simple words keep me hanging on to what's real.
They help me swim through the pain, through the bitter torrid water, and no matter how exhausted I am I remind myself all I have to do is to get to the other side. To make it to the next round.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Laughter is the best medicine
I learned over the weekend apart from playing in the dirt, getting myself comfortable with nature; the next invigorating thing I enjoy doing is laughing.
To laugh with good friends over misopportune moments, over memories old but never forgotten. To laugh at the oblivious way cats walk away from me while regally swishing their tails no matter how hard I try to trick them with Friskies in hand. To laugh over embarassing mistakes and bitter discoveries, to laugh at all things human.
To laugh with good friends over misopportune moments, over memories old but never forgotten. To laugh at the oblivious way cats walk away from me while regally swishing their tails no matter how hard I try to trick them with Friskies in hand. To laugh over embarassing mistakes and bitter discoveries, to laugh at all things human.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
A little ray of sunshine
It still feels the same. The exhilirating push to leap forward, to skip on the little rocks and bounce on the brown fertile soil.
To push my body to the brink of its metabolic capacity, to feel my lung constricts and fights for the air, to feel my heart leaps out from my chest - fighting to live, fighting to survive, fighting to capture the essence of life I rarely feel on my ordinary, or as aptly put by my friend; shabby, confusing, over-worked days.
The trip to Broga Hill was a much needed escape. Jaunts to nature like these remind me of my dreams, what I'm made of and what I live for - to live, really live, to feel pain inside and out, to break free, to strip myself of my own fears and limitations, and to conquer impossibilities as big as the mountains.
Saturday morning I wake up at 4.00 a.m. to drive to Semenyih, a small town about 15-minute drive southeast of Kajang. I brew coffee for myself and pack chocolate-coated digestive cookies for breakfast, before heading out to pick up my friend along the way.
An amazing crowd was already gathering by the time we reach the oil palm estate where the trail starts. I find myself bouncing with energy and raring to go while we wait for another group of friends to arrive. We start off strong but linger at the first stop to catch our breath.
The journey has a secret intrigue to it which I adore; stepping on the coarse rocks and hardened soil in utter darkness awaken my senses, and the terror which catch me off-guard at the sudden slip even when I thought I knew where I was going make me aware of my fist sized red heart.
There is no realisation as sobering as one which says "I am human, I am living now".
We reach the first peak after 30 minutes, and immediately scour the spot to sit down and wait for the sunrise. Cool morning breeze and little swifts hopping around from one tree to another make us forget the climbing ordeal we had previously, and despite the cheering noise made by the young crowd around me, I was totally enraptured by the sight in front of me.
As the darkness lazily made way to the sunlight who march silently but forcefully like a majestic king taking its rightful throne, I thought "what better way to celebrate such rare morning with a touch of warmth and familiarity and friendliness such as coffee?"
To push my body to the brink of its metabolic capacity, to feel my lung constricts and fights for the air, to feel my heart leaps out from my chest - fighting to live, fighting to survive, fighting to capture the essence of life I rarely feel on my ordinary, or as aptly put by my friend; shabby, confusing, over-worked days.
The trip to Broga Hill was a much needed escape. Jaunts to nature like these remind me of my dreams, what I'm made of and what I live for - to live, really live, to feel pain inside and out, to break free, to strip myself of my own fears and limitations, and to conquer impossibilities as big as the mountains.
Saturday morning I wake up at 4.00 a.m. to drive to Semenyih, a small town about 15-minute drive southeast of Kajang. I brew coffee for myself and pack chocolate-coated digestive cookies for breakfast, before heading out to pick up my friend along the way.
An amazing crowd was already gathering by the time we reach the oil palm estate where the trail starts. I find myself bouncing with energy and raring to go while we wait for another group of friends to arrive. We start off strong but linger at the first stop to catch our breath.
The journey has a secret intrigue to it which I adore; stepping on the coarse rocks and hardened soil in utter darkness awaken my senses, and the terror which catch me off-guard at the sudden slip even when I thought I knew where I was going make me aware of my fist sized red heart.
There is no realisation as sobering as one which says "I am human, I am living now".
We reach the first peak after 30 minutes, and immediately scour the spot to sit down and wait for the sunrise. Cool morning breeze and little swifts hopping around from one tree to another make us forget the climbing ordeal we had previously, and despite the cheering noise made by the young crowd around me, I was totally enraptured by the sight in front of me.
As the darkness lazily made way to the sunlight who march silently but forcefully like a majestic king taking its rightful throne, I thought "what better way to celebrate such rare morning with a touch of warmth and familiarity and friendliness such as coffee?"
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Delicious Ambiguity
Alexandra Levit was right when she was talking about how we might be taking our job for granted. 'Meaning is in the eye of beholder'; we create our own meaningful experiences.
I was supposed to attend an interview yesterday. I was at crossroads deciding whether or not I should go. On one hand, the position wasn't really something I'm after. It's one of the little tricky things about the terms of my sponsorship. I'm supposed to serve for my sponsor, but I don't get a say in choosing the line of works I'm interested in or passionate about.
On the other hand, I am aware I cannot get too complacent with my current position. For the time being and in the next year, my responsibilities will involve working with and assisting small companies - they will be where I derive my meaning from. However, my office environment isn't too nurturing of my dreams, values and inspirations and for someone who attach values to her works - it's a struggling environment to survive.
I decided to give the interview a pass, and it feels like the right decision to do. Coming back to the office yesterday with my desk piled up with pending works gave me a sense of purpose and hope. I have no idea what's in store for me in the future, but I believe the right thing will come when the time is right - what's important is for me to be good at what I do and I do it right.
A wise old man once told me, "You need to set your goal or goals clearly and work hard and prove that qualifications apart, you are someone who acts ethically in all that you do,- in other words, you are trustworthy. Time is on your side; you are young and the world is at your feet". I think I'm beginning to get it.
I was supposed to attend an interview yesterday. I was at crossroads deciding whether or not I should go. On one hand, the position wasn't really something I'm after. It's one of the little tricky things about the terms of my sponsorship. I'm supposed to serve for my sponsor, but I don't get a say in choosing the line of works I'm interested in or passionate about.
On the other hand, I am aware I cannot get too complacent with my current position. For the time being and in the next year, my responsibilities will involve working with and assisting small companies - they will be where I derive my meaning from. However, my office environment isn't too nurturing of my dreams, values and inspirations and for someone who attach values to her works - it's a struggling environment to survive.
I decided to give the interview a pass, and it feels like the right decision to do. Coming back to the office yesterday with my desk piled up with pending works gave me a sense of purpose and hope. I have no idea what's in store for me in the future, but I believe the right thing will come when the time is right - what's important is for me to be good at what I do and I do it right.
A wise old man once told me, "You need to set your goal or goals clearly and work hard and prove that qualifications apart, you are someone who acts ethically in all that you do,- in other words, you are trustworthy. Time is on your side; you are young and the world is at your feet". I think I'm beginning to get it.
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