Letters to a Friend: A Confession

Cowper St, August 6, 2009

My dearest,

Some day I will relate to you the story of my life, and of how those five years had been immensely transforming to the way I think about life and the world. It's about those time when we try to make sense of life choices, when at the same time we're struggling to find the grounding faith to prop us up against the world and its folly. For now, I will tell you about the time when I had the most tremendous fun in our motherland.

To begin with, I was always able to roam freely on the fertile land of our country; on foot or on the wheel, accompanied or on my own, sad or glad. Once my brother told me, "the trees and the wind and the soil remember you wherever you go", and I instantly saw the world as if it has opened its arm and embraced me. The trees linked their arms together when they saw me, the wind pushed me with its gentle hand to face the majestic sun, the birds sung to me and the cows nodded their head to me lazily. Do you think it's absurd if I tell you I'm always at home when I'm on the road?

The first time I rode off to the far northern island was the time when I began to learn my friends by heart. Oh yes, my friends - did I ever told you about them? My tower of strength, my pillar of joy, my shining beacon of hope. Strong women you don't want to meddle with, and the kindest men you'll find in your lifetime even in their imperfections. Sometimes when I meet them in my memories, I was embarrassed to see how they had readily accepted me in my darkest moments. As if all my ridiculous tantrums was nothing but of a child yet to find her own peace with the world.

We explored the world together, my friends and I. From toiling the muddy and grassy swamp, singing pitiful ballads to our heart's content, cooking the best of meals and the weirdest ones, sharing geeky jokes about love and relationships, laughing together everywhere we go like brothers and sisters, paying dues to each other families as if they are our own - I don't remember the time when my friends had not been by my side.

The time when I first learned to drive my car, the time when I refused to get into the water, the time when I fell in love with a man. My friends are the first people you will find most literate about my life. I think when I decided to leave them, I was scared to be the one who get left behind. But now I see, the rock and stone our friendship was built upon is not going to change by mere passing of time.

One day when you get to meet my friends, I'm certain you will understand. Because as I am blessed to find you, I am blessed to be granted the chance to spend the best of my times with them. And as you are too, they are my kindred spirits.

Yours devotedly,
Ati A. Aziz.