Unexpected moments

August #Reverb11 prompt asked, describe an unexpected moment, activity, sighting or conversation that touched you during July.

I thought how appropriate the question is, since July had presented me with so many unexpected moments that in the course of one month I've learned about myself and other people more than I had in one year.

Firstly, a friend of mine told me he is getting married, and he told me in such gentleness I broke down and let myself weep like I never had in a long time. He has been one source of constants in my life since I came home, and his ever-present words give me an anchor for a life I'm trying to build (and believe in).

For a moment, I felt like a sinking ship, a ship lost in raging seas, a blind navigator. 

How easy it is to take your old wounds for granted, to think you have the world as your oyster, to think happiness as something definite when pain, sorrow, and lost are just as essential parts of life.

"Whatever relationships you have attracted in your life at this moment, are precisely the ones you need in your life at this moment. There is a hidden meaning behind all events, and this hidden meaning is serving your own evolution." - Deepak Chopra

Secondly, prior to my friend's revelation, for the first time in a long time, I attempted to speak to god again. The act was done in rage, in resignation, in confusion - I just looked up at the sky and demanded god to listen to me, to tell me what it is I'm supposed to do, to show me a sign.

And he did. And despite my dysfunctional relationship with him, I think the sentence, "I've never believed in God, but I do believe in his love." echoes my sentiment about god for now.

Thirdly, I had to let go of one relationship which depletes me of my energy and emotions. Again, on the contrary to previous cases, the situation amazes me at how easy (or for the use of a better word, accepting) I was in making the decision.

I've had a glorious share of the relationship and I want to preserve it as it was. I believe the relationship has served its purpose and I'm allowing it to do the same to other people.

Although parting of hearts is always hard, and telling a cold hard truth may not always be comfortable, I hope in making the decision, I did it out of love - for myself, and for them.

"People don't leave because things are hard. They leave because it's no longer worth it."

I'm laying my burden down. I'm owning my own choices. I'm in charge of my own life.