Happy Birthday to Me

Happy birthday to me.

The day was celebrated modestly, for the truth is I had very little expectations. It’s a rather personal celebration too, because to me it’s another step of growing up and growing old, another step for overcoming all kinds of fears and taking my dreams in the grasp of my hands.

After the exam I stopped by at my classmate’s house, somehow I felt she must’ve detected the cloud passing over my face as I told her of recent news. She invited me to have lunch with her mom, and another modest and unexpected celebration ensued. I went to the Customs House Library afterward to apply for the membership. How I felt so small in the city! Compared to Coogee, which is peaceful and decent and so relaxed, Sydney CBD is a complete opposite. I am falling in love with the country more and more each day.

At home, a chocolate mud cake decorated with frozen berries greeted me. My kind landlady has prepared it with the help of my roommate, I blew a candle and made a silent wish. One of the boys gave me a chocolate, while the other who is studying for the exam at his friend’s house gave me a quick call. Another housemate, whom I am fond to call a best friend now, gave me a hand fan with the following letter which makes my heart grows larger:

Dear Ati

(Sweet Pie & Honey Bun & Sugar & Sweetheart)

I still have a fresh memory of the first day we saw each other: the first day we took a bus to the Uni (I didn’t know where the CLB is and you just directed me there, you know I was so grateful at that time). The first lunch we had in the student’s food court (Actually I just watched you eating and read your novel and asked lots of stupid questions). The first night we went back home together after class. AND…

I wil always remember the first days. AS WELL AS…

The evening we went to see the festival and had snacks in that cake shop (Do you still remember we decided to have that $5 cake the next time however we haven’t fulfilled our promise yet, and the ice cream shop as well)

The day for celebration of the end of fasting. Remember to teach me how to cook that chicken some other day!!… (Lots of other days and evenings)

I love your cookies. I love your brownies. I love all the other desserts you have made which I cannot tell the names.

But most importantly, I love being together with you. I admire the peace in your characteristics and the consideration for others. I always feel comfortable and relaxed and safe and even lazy!!! (Lazy to communicate in good English, because whenever I want to express something, I don’t have to say the whole sentence to you, you can figure out anyway even by my face expression, not with a word, sometimes!)

LAST BUT NOT LEAST,

Happy Birthday and Happy Everyday to My Dear Ati.

Yours,
Vivian Forever

I talked to my dad later, asking about mom. My little niece was there and I talked to her for a good ten minutes. She sounded so grown-up and collected I was choked to tears, I feel like I was the child talking to an aunt. My dad called again later, which I answered while struggling to stay awake as I had gone to sleep earlier, my mom was on the phone, her fragile voice roused fears in my heart, but I dismissed it and we talked as lighthearted as usual.

My best friend who had conveniently forgotten it was my birthday said hi to me, and again his smile warmed my heart. These people, these lights in my life will keep me strong, will keep my wobbly legs standing despite it all.

Happy birthday to me, and happy everyday to all of you - with the deepest love from me.